Another 911 Call?

Since we have moved into the city, I have called 911 twice. The first time was when someone was trying to break into our neighbor’s house. Then last week, I heard a terrible booming sound and looked down the street to see a city bus entangled with a car, an SUV and an iron fence. When I told my boys I needed to call 911, my oldest exclaimed, “Again?” and I told him to get used to it.

Today as I was reading my Bible…seriously, I was… and it was good (no pun intended), I heard something at my back door. The break-ins in our neighborhood usually occur via the back doors, so I was getting nervous. The footsteps sounded close and then I heard some rummaging. We have old lockers on our back porch, with nothing in them except random things the boys collect, but nonetheless I didn’t want someone rummaging in them or looking in the windows. So I slooowly reached for the phone, holding it in my hand with a finger on the 9, I crept to the back door to take a peek before dialing. When I stood up to see over the cafe blinds we have on the window of the back door, I didn’t see a thing. Yet I still heard the rummaging and then some scrambling. I looked down and there, rummaging around the lockers, was a fat squirrel. So glad I didn’t call 911 to report him because I’m sure he would have been gone by the time the cops came.

A few minutes ago, I heard the sound again and thought maybe Mr. Squirrel was back for round two. But the sound was a little different. I couldn’t quite make out what it was. Just in case, I grabbed the phone again but didn’t bother putting my finger on the 9 this time. I looked down where the squirrel had been and no sign of him. Just as I was starting to relax, a robin flew from the top of the lockers right at the door. Stupid bird. Nearly killed himself, and made me pee in my pants… almost. 

It’s still taking some time to get used to all this city business. Clearly the squirrels and the birds do not keep to the suburbs like some may think. They’re here, too. They’re just a little bolder here. They have to learn how to live on the streets and how to make a living off of rotten candy in lockers and pieces of paper from old science projects. Some of my neighbors do have nice bird feeders but I’ve noticed that these critters are more ghetto and prefer the taste of whatever is on the back porch at our house at the moment. 

So I’m putting my phone down and I’m going to start going about the rest of my day, and if I get some time, maybe I’ll put a little peanut butter and sunflower treat in the backyard for my furry and feathered friends so they don’t have to scare me half to death anymore by all their rummaging and foraging next to my back door.

Categories: A Day in the Life | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Another 911 Call?

  1. Tom

    We have raccoons the size of dogs in my neighborhood, not little ankle biters. They have successfully defeated all my attempts to store my garbage cans outdoors. So it stays in the garage, where God intended it to be.

  2. Oh I am the one who DID make the call! LOL! You would have been in good company:

  3. Allison

    Hilarious. I say hilarious because I can so relate. I will try and make it quick. I moved from the far eastside (not really a suburb, but less urban) to 46th and College last summer. Over a period of four weeks, I thought for sure I had moved to the Mississippi Delta. First, I would sit on the front porch and get eaten alive by mosquitos. Then, I was taking the trash out to the curb one day and had to ask the neighbor to do it because there was a slug attached to the inside of the can. It was huge, so at first I thought it was a lizard, but gradually I saw mercury tracks across the sidewalk. Then, I came home from work one evening, and literally dozens of flies were in my house. I have no idea where they came from, and have not seen them sense, but I almost killed myself and my cat spraying bug spray everywhere. Finally, at about 6:15 one morning, I was awoken to a scratching sound. At first I thought it was the tree-trimmer the landlord said would be coming by, and said outloud, “@#$%^ 6:00 A.M?” I peaked out the blinds, and there were no people. Then, the scratching got lourder, and I thought maybe my cat was playing in the living room on the hard wood floors, but she was sleeping next to me in bed. Then, I thought someone had broken in and was rummaging around in the front room…phone was in the front room too though. Then, I thought an animal of some sort was in the house. I decided I needed to get dressed in something other than my pajamas, in case I went into the living room and needed to run out the front door escaping this “animal” intruder. I eventually tracked it to the ceiling and wall area above my bathroom window. Something had crawled into a hole in the soffut (sp?) and was scratching around. So, at 6:30 a.m. on a Saturday I was wide awake, sitting on the porch before the mosquitoes were awake, experiencing a wide range of emotions from fear, to embarrassment to resentment toward my landlord. I also had no coffee, but I knew I could get some a few blocks away on Carvel along with some peace of mind, and maybe an exterminator?!

    • lynnhouse

      Thank God you didn’t have a bottle of vodka stashed away that morning! Whew. Hope the Wild Animal Planet that is 46th and College has calmed down now.

  4. James

    HAHA yes! There is no blodness than that of inner-city squirrels! Lets hope they don’t learn how to use guns!

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