Heavy Hearts

I woke up in a good mood. Made breakfast. Got dressed. Didn’t shower. Yet – so chill you clean friends of mine. Signed forms. Tied shoes. Started car. Almost. Car didn’t start.

It was snowing, really snowing and it was cold and the kids are in the car and nothing. My oldest, anxiety-ridden son says, “Great, Mom. What is wrong with you?”

I’m in a good mood so I ignore him. I get out of the car and hear my neighbor ask if I needed a jump. And thanks to Patrick, we’re in business again. I get back into the car, and tell the boys to buckle before I start driving. Again the oldest says, “Go, Mom. We’re going to be late. What is wrong with you?”

At this point, I am twisted up like a set of sheets in the dryer and I look at him and say, “I’m sorry, dear child of mine. I cannot control the snow. And I cannot control whether our old Suburban decides whether to start. So, the only thing wrong with me, apparently, is that I am not God.”

He mutters something under his breath as we drive down the snowy streets and arrive at school. ON TIME, thank you very much.

Believe it or not, after all of that berating, I am still in a good mood. And I even have a dentist appointment hanging over my head. I call my friend Theresa to tell her my “Abby story” – which you can find at http://www.reconciling.wordpress.com and she and I have a good laugh about what an idiot I am. I get home and make another call. This time to a friend who tells me about a man she knows who committed suicide. Then I get a text from another friend that his best friend is breathing his last breath, and yet another friend send me an intstant message that he has to counsel a family on whether to keep their 9-year-old on life support.

All of this is too overwhelming. After these snippets of news, I hear from two more friends. One is seriously considering a divorce and considering the impact it will make on her kids is so painful. The other is dating a great guy but fears he’s already lying to her about some pretty big issues.

My heart is heavy now. And I can’t say I’m still in a good mood. How could I be? So many people are hurting. Another couple comes to mind. A couple whose life was turned upside down when the husband was seriously injured in an accident this summer and has just come home after 5 and 1/2 months in the hospital. They are fighting for hope.

The man who committed suicide had lost all hope. I think that’s what happens when hope seems too far out of reach. We have no place to turn but death. So today, even as I type this, I pray for all these people to grab any thread of hope that they can. Hope that says things might not turn out the way you wanted them to, but you will be okay. The circumstances and the people may really suck, but you are not alone and you are a precious person.

Speaking of which, I have a precious friend I need to meet for lunch. May all those hurting out there find peace and hope today. My prayers are with you all.

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One thought on “Heavy Hearts

  1. drawingcloser

    Lynn,
    I’ll be praying. We’ve had our share of heavy hearts lately in my circle of friends as well. Check out this post of mine from last week…

    http://ledbytheshepherd.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/ttah-tuesday-a-tip-from-scripture/

    Stephanie

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