That is what I want to say to that picture on my “header.” I look so happy. So content. And I was. The day that picture was taken was a great day. I was on the boat with cousins, nephews, brothers, sisters-in-law, my own family and Lord only knows who else. I had been wakeboarding and at that moment, we were just cruising. Listening to tunes. Sipping our beverages and laughing together. Summertime at its best.
But right now, in the rawness of some pretty “suckish” feelings, I want to slap myself and say, “Wipe that smile off your face.” I’m not really masochistic by nature, but right now I am jaded by life. So many of these posts lately have been positive, upbeat posts. Most of the time, I do enjoy life – even when it’s hard. Yet, there are those times that life just seems to dole out its worst all at once, and I don’t know how to keep swimming. I want the boat back. I want to cruise. I want sunshine and fun music.
Recently my friend told me that my thinking is not realistic because most of life is hard and “suckish.” Lots of people would argue because 1.) they have not hit a big trial in life; 2.) they are blind to the pain around them that would prove that life is hard even when it’s not directly affecting them; 3.) they are in denial.
Interestingly enough, one of my friends just posted his status on facebook, saying that he wants to believe life won’t always be this hard. As I am writing a comment about how I try to accept life on life’s terms and that has helped me. But today, it’s not helping. Nothing seems to help this “I hate life” moment. And that’s okay. I really think that even though I feel horrible. I hurt. I’m angry. I’m tired. I’m ultra-crabby and feeling sorry for anyone who gets in the way of my wrath, it will be okay. Not now maybe. And maybe not tomorrow. But it