Thanks to my friend Lisa for reminding me that humility is neither being too large or too small. Humility is being right-sized. In other words, if I think too much of myself, I am living in pride. If I think too lowly of myself, I am living in a reverse type of pride, where I need other’s approval to feel worthy, which ironically puts the focus back on me, me, me. See me. Feel me. Touch me. Know me. Understand me. LOVE me.
When I’m right-sized, I see myself in the context of a larger picture. I see myself as a player among players. A worker among workers. A friend among friends. I am not THE player. THE worker. THE friend.
It’s a hard balance to strike. I tend to teeter-totter on each side of the spectrum, weighing heavily on the pride side, then on the lowly side, trying to counteract one or the other. Being right-sized may not have the same highs and lows, which can be a bit boring for an ADD girl like me. It may be boring, but too much of the ups and downs, and my stomach starts feeling quite nauseous with all that movement.
It’s much more peaceful when I am balanced. Remember what it felt like as a kid when you finally got that teeter-totter balanced straight across, feet dangling in the air so slightly. Maybe it’s not so boring after all. In fact, it sounds rather freeing.