Hanging on to ThirtySomething

I see the lines across my forehead

Creases build at my eyes when I smile

My teeth no longer bright white

My body not as small as before

Nor my heart…

my heart grows with the years

Sometimes I think it might burst

Burst at the fullness

Shrink from the sadness

then stretch again in healing

I look back at ThirtySomething

In some ways wanting to hold on to youth

But desperately needing to look forward

Find joy and peace and acceptance

Relish in love

Run from fear

Dance with freedom

ThirtySomething years of story

Story upon story

Comedy, Documentary, Drama, even Tragedy

Tales to be shared

Not for my glory

Rather in context of the Greatest Story

The Story of redemption

of truth

of wholeness

of Life

I need that Story to intersect with my ThirtySomething story

Weave itself into my life

Cross over pain threshholds

I never thought I could bear

Heaviness I feel might pull me under

More than ever as I leave Thirty-Something

I want to once again throw myself

Into purpose and meaning

Jump back into the Greater Story

The Story that brings back joy

Pieces together brokenness

Creates wholeness, mosaic-style

A picture of beauty that I breathe deep

Something to hope in

Something to grasp as I move out of ThirtySomething

And into a future held safely

Securely in the only Arms that matter

The arms of my Author

So He can write the story

My story

The Story I often interrupt

for my purpose

my pride

my recognition

Writing chapters that leave me empty



Until someone, something shines light

On the Story that crushes lies

Mends Hearts

and gives me a future

A future I cannot forsee

but will choose today to enter

Not with great strength

Nor with exuberance

But enter nonetheless

Take a step out in the unknown

Into what seems like darkness

So once again I can see the lightness

Feel the warmth of it

Taste the sweetness

Hear the sounds of victory

Hoping, praying and praying some more

that post-ThirtySomething

unfolds more of True Life and True Love

With new dreams and new stories to weave

Dream weaver, truth seeker

That is what I hope

This is what I pray


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