Top 10 things you might find while cleaning your kids’ rooms

In preparation for selling our house, I have had friends helping me:

pack up items for storage

clean kitchen cabinets

organize closets, and

best of all, attempt to uncover what appears to be my sons’ bedrooms.

It has been quite therapeutic… and quite humbling. Here are the top 10 items that have been found during the Cleaning-the-House-house-which-contains-four-smallish-boys-and-all-their-toys-Extravaganza:

1. An entire ball of yarn tied from one dresser drawer to the next to the next and then back again, making it impossible to follow, even after you’ve cut the darn yarn in five different places.

2. One shoe in the main floor bathroom and the other one found in the garage, causing questions of just how badly that little boy had to use the bathroom.

3. Seven pieces of chewed up gum under the countertops on the kitchen island.

4. An unknown brownish substance on the walls near an unnamed boys’ bed.

5. A plate with hardened syrup pulled from underneath another unnamed boys’ bed.

6. A ladle in the clothes hamper.

7. Three broken lightbulbs proudly displayed on another unnamed boys’ bookshelf.

8. A large car antenna, found in a parking lot downtown, which has been thrown away numerous times only to be found again in a closet – for use in torturing annoying brothers.

9.  A small shriveled something stuck to the basement floor with so much fuzz growing around it, the best we can guess is that it was an apple core, circa early 2007.

and number 10, my favorite: Petrified poop from the dog we gave up two months ago, found in unnamed boys’ closet, under a large sum of Legos. When I grabbed the pile, something just didn’t look like the average Lego. I think I may have set a record for the number of minutes spent washing one’s hands after touching old dog poop.

The amount of boyish things I deal with on a daily basis sometimes makes me want to run to the nearest spa, where I can buy flowery smelling lotion and have my toenails painted bright pink, while I listen to the Beaches soundtrack and read the latest issue of Oprah’s magazine.

God Bless the Women of the World who are raising boys and their toys… and attempt to move from one house to another. There are hefty jewels waiting for us in Heaven. And I’m sure they’re pink.

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